9-25-2009
Tomorrow will be 3 months since God called mom home. At times it still seems like yesterday, and others, it seems like forever.
I am slowly realizing just how tired I was from taking care of mom, but I would do it all again tomorrow.
I think of mom often, and at times think, I need to tell her this or that, then remember she is not here to tell. I know she would have loved Mazee, and I think Mazee would have been a perfect lap dog and companion for mom.
Sometimes, I relive the day mom died in my mind. The part where the last thing she said to me was "Help me." I can still see her sitting there, saying help me, but not seeming to be in any pain. I believe god gave her that gift, of not feeling to much pain, of wrapping her in His loving arms, as He took her to be with Him.
We've celebrated birthdays and been to the county fair without mom, and it is not quite the same, but each time, it becomes a little easier. I have an awesome family and friends, who support me thru this time.
Some days I can picture mom in my mind very clearly. For some reason one of the most vivid memories is of mom in a pair of brown slacks, and a blue short sleeved sweatshirt. She is smiling and in the kitchen.
I miss moms cooking.........her fried chicken and scalloped potatoes. her meat loaf...cause mine never tastes quite like hers :) and her cherry cream pie.........
I don't cry every time I think or speak of mom now, but i still cry enough :)
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to see her again someday. I'm so glad that I have the assurance of Jesus free gift of salvation, so I know that I will see mom, dad and LeAnn, and Cathy and MayAnn and others again someday.
If you don't know my Jesus, I'd be happy to introduce you to Him.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A Hard Day
9-5-09
Today, I started sorting thru moms things, and boxing, keeping, throwing away. I spent half the day reading old cards and sorting thru memories from times past. She has so many pictures. I put them all in one dresser, with hopes of sorting thru them this fall. I found cards from her bridal shower; mom and dads wedding invitation, my Grandma Moss's perfect attendance award from March 3, 1919; notes from moms senior trip; school records of dad, one from his 5th grade; and more...............
I even found a letter from mom's dad, writing to mom and dad when Sandy, my sister, was born. And several cards welcoming Sandy into the world............I think she will enjoy having those. Mom and dad lost a baby boy in 1954, at the age of 3weeks and one day. Calvin had some internal problems, but also developed pneumonia and jaundice. They were heartbroken when Calvin died, and I remember dad saying that is one of the only times he remembers seeing his dad cry. It was dads folks first grandchild. The 4th on moms side. No matter the order, it is heart wrenching to lose a child. Mom and dad did not talk much about Calvin, and until we moved mom to Wellington to live with me 2 years ago, did we even know that a picture of my brother was around. One had been found in Pa's stuff. Mom said Calvin had blond hair with a curl on his forehead, and his eyes were bluer each day. I remember growing up, looking at blue-eyed, blond guys and wondering if my brother would have looked like "that". Mom had always said that she and dad were not in church when Calvin was born, and she always believed that God chose to take Calvin to heaven, to bring them back to Him.
It seems as we sort thru another's "life", many memories come flooding back. I am not done in moms room. Her pictures are tucked safely away at the moment, and her clothes are sorted thru. Rachel wants some to put with her girls other great-grandma's clothes to make a quilt for them. I will use some in sewing, too. What a better way to make a special memory that can be kept close and treasured thru the years.
As I sorted thru her things and read papers, I saw a women who was willing to give. I found her autograph books from many many years ago (the 1940's) and it is awesome to read what others wrote about her.
Mom was a lady. Some may say just a "farm/ranch wife", but to me she was a classy lady. She stayed strong in her faith, thru good times and bad. She put her trust in the One and only One who can give us Life. She stood by dad, thru his health problems, and likewise, he with her thru hers. there were poor times, and not so poor times; there was sickness and health, there was better and there was worse. She, and dad, kept there wedding vows, and were an example to those around, that you can stay married thru many things. Mom loved her daughters unconditionally, and her grandchildren and great grandchildren the same...........Although, I think the great grandchildren were her pride and joy in old age............But that is okay. They brought her happiness, with their child innoncence, and their love for her and their smiles so freely given to her. She would have given anything, or done anything for any of her children........And although, I have no children, she loved my 2 chosen children, Cerina and Isaac, and my chosen granddaughter, Cydnee, as if they were her grandchildren. She loved teaching Sunday School and being a part of children's lives.
Mom has left a legacy for us. A legacy of faith, and Godly values. Of moral values, and right living. Of being honest and serving. A legacy of hard work, and giving.
I will ever be grateful to you, mom. I only hope that I can leave the same kind of legacy you have. You taught me by example more than words. you loved me unconditionally. Now, it's my turn to carry on for you.
I love you mom, with all my heart. The ache lessens as time passes, but you will forever live in my heart and memories.
Today, I started sorting thru moms things, and boxing, keeping, throwing away. I spent half the day reading old cards and sorting thru memories from times past. She has so many pictures. I put them all in one dresser, with hopes of sorting thru them this fall. I found cards from her bridal shower; mom and dads wedding invitation, my Grandma Moss's perfect attendance award from March 3, 1919; notes from moms senior trip; school records of dad, one from his 5th grade; and more...............
I even found a letter from mom's dad, writing to mom and dad when Sandy, my sister, was born. And several cards welcoming Sandy into the world............I think she will enjoy having those. Mom and dad lost a baby boy in 1954, at the age of 3weeks and one day. Calvin had some internal problems, but also developed pneumonia and jaundice. They were heartbroken when Calvin died, and I remember dad saying that is one of the only times he remembers seeing his dad cry. It was dads folks first grandchild. The 4th on moms side. No matter the order, it is heart wrenching to lose a child. Mom and dad did not talk much about Calvin, and until we moved mom to Wellington to live with me 2 years ago, did we even know that a picture of my brother was around. One had been found in Pa's stuff. Mom said Calvin had blond hair with a curl on his forehead, and his eyes were bluer each day. I remember growing up, looking at blue-eyed, blond guys and wondering if my brother would have looked like "that". Mom had always said that she and dad were not in church when Calvin was born, and she always believed that God chose to take Calvin to heaven, to bring them back to Him.
It seems as we sort thru another's "life", many memories come flooding back. I am not done in moms room. Her pictures are tucked safely away at the moment, and her clothes are sorted thru. Rachel wants some to put with her girls other great-grandma's clothes to make a quilt for them. I will use some in sewing, too. What a better way to make a special memory that can be kept close and treasured thru the years.
As I sorted thru her things and read papers, I saw a women who was willing to give. I found her autograph books from many many years ago (the 1940's) and it is awesome to read what others wrote about her.
Mom was a lady. Some may say just a "farm/ranch wife", but to me she was a classy lady. She stayed strong in her faith, thru good times and bad. She put her trust in the One and only One who can give us Life. She stood by dad, thru his health problems, and likewise, he with her thru hers. there were poor times, and not so poor times; there was sickness and health, there was better and there was worse. She, and dad, kept there wedding vows, and were an example to those around, that you can stay married thru many things. Mom loved her daughters unconditionally, and her grandchildren and great grandchildren the same...........Although, I think the great grandchildren were her pride and joy in old age............But that is okay. They brought her happiness, with their child innoncence, and their love for her and their smiles so freely given to her. She would have given anything, or done anything for any of her children........And although, I have no children, she loved my 2 chosen children, Cerina and Isaac, and my chosen granddaughter, Cydnee, as if they were her grandchildren. She loved teaching Sunday School and being a part of children's lives.
Mom has left a legacy for us. A legacy of faith, and Godly values. Of moral values, and right living. Of being honest and serving. A legacy of hard work, and giving.
I will ever be grateful to you, mom. I only hope that I can leave the same kind of legacy you have. You taught me by example more than words. you loved me unconditionally. Now, it's my turn to carry on for you.
I love you mom, with all my heart. The ache lessens as time passes, but you will forever live in my heart and memories.
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