I will start with this post I recently shared on facebook.  In our grief of losing a loved one, I have learned that we never quite know what will cause a tear to roll down our cheek, or a smile to cross our face, or laughter to come from our lips.    Or when.  A week, a year, 30 months, 5 years, when that memory will come back to light and remind us of the precious one we have lost.  A sign, a picture, a friend, a Bible verse, a song,  might be the trigger to bringing up the memory. Whatever it is, cherish those memories and  remember how loved you were.


The Little Green Cup
It is just an ordinary green cup. Tupperware. Kid size. It holds 11 pills, mainly vitamins.
For almost 7 years it sat quietly on the bathroom shelf. Never touched. Never moved.
Now it sits on the vanity in my bedroom. Still holding those same 11 pills.
One dust bunny removed. The pills are aged, cracked, beginning to disassemble.
Yet still it sits.
My hand held it recently. Held it over the trash can. Staring at the pills, I tried to tip it and let the pills roll in to the trash. My hand would not move. My eyes clouded with tears. I could not let go, of a simple green cup with 11 pills.
The last pills for mom, before Jesus took her home.
I have let go of the pill bottles …old vitamins, prescripts….. I have trashed papers, given away her clothes, or turned her clothes into quilts for family. But, for some insane reason, I cannot let go of a green cup with 11 pills.
I have berated myself, called myself crazy, I have analyzed myself, argued with myself and I have cried over this one silly green cup with 11 pills.
Some day, I will be able to let go, but for now, that one green cup with 11 pills sits quietly on my vanity, to be seen by me each morning as I prepare for the day.
It has become a reminder of the 2nd greatest gift I have ever been given.
Jesus saving me was the greatest gift.
God giving me the mom and dad he chose for me was the 2nd greatest gift. The green cup sits as a reminder of who I am, where I came from, and the legacy I have been given to follow and fulfill.
Some day, the little green cup will be emptied, and washed and put into the cupboard.
Someday, but not today.

Someone called into our office today and asked if it was the library...............sorry, we were not, but it brought to mind the time in 2008, shortly before mom quit driving becasue of her dementia, that she showed up in the tag office and tried to return a book. My boss at the time recognized mom, as I had not seen her come in or leave the tag office. Carolyn went out and stopped mom, while Peggy came and got me. I ended up driving mom home, and she told me that she "got confused". There is a scripture in the Bible that says "our steps are directed by the Lord". I realized today, 5 years later, how moms steps that day were so definitely directed by the Lord. She could have gone to any building, not been known, gotten very lost and or disoriented., and I could have been looking for my mom, not knowing where she had gone to. Mom always lived a life of faith and trust in her heavenly Father, and He was true and faithful to her, too, most assuredly in the days when she was no longer capable of making her own decisions. He directed moms steps that day, to the courthouse, where he put people who knew her and cared in her path, to keep her safe! I am so thankful and grateful to our Heavenly Father who will direct our steps, but we have to be willing to let him. My steps are your, Lord.

Recently I had a conversation  with a friend about memorizing scripture.  I said it is imperative that we begin to teach children at a young age to memorize God's word, as I am finding the older I get the harder it is to memorize, or at least retain what I try to memorize.  This friend said why memorize? I have my Bible and I can look it up when I want.
My response was that some day we might not have a Bible to read.  Right now we live in America, the land of the free and brave, but the day may come when we are not as free as we are now. 
America has dropped her high standards and morals and we can no longer truly say that we are a nation that  trusts wholly in God and puts Him first.  anyway, I digress... :)
the Bible says that we need to hide God's word in our hearts..............
Psalm 119:11   Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.    

may we never take God or His word for granted!  We need to be daily reading it, and hiding it in our hearts, to lean on at another time, to share with another............... 

WOW!  It has been ages since I have posted on my blog.  lately I have felt compelled to share more on here.  I believe that God has called me to use my blog as a wittness for Him, and as a way sharing joys, trials, triumphs, etc.
So much has happened since I last wrote that it will take a while to get caught up, but for now, let me say that GOD IS GOOD ............all the time. He has answered prayers recently before I even prayed them. He has given me peace in the midst of storms, and given me answeres to prayers I ahve prayed for many a year. he has freed my spirit.
The words from a couple songs come to mind. "set my spirit free, that I might worship thee" and "I am willing Lord, to be just exactly what you want me to be."
.So, keep watching for more updates.............and God Bless you !

Resting in His Promises

I changed the name of my blog tonight. 
I am no longer "longing for the patience" I so desperately thought I needed when I was taking care of mom. 
God wonderfully supplied me with just what I needed, when I needed it to take care of mom , to work, etc.
I had been thinking about changing the name for quite some time, but could not think of anything to change it to.
In church Sunday morning, Larry was filling in for Pastor, while he was away enjoying time with his family.  Larry spoke from Psalm 37,  talking about fretting not, committing to God's will, delighting in the Lord, ......and God spoke to me and said, Rest in my promises..................immediately I knew that  "Resting in His promises" was to be the new name of my blog. 
I  want God to use me to be His tool, sharing His word, and His promises with others. 
I am much more of a behind the scenes person, so I truly believe that between facebook and my blog, God  has given me a mission field. 
While I care deeply about the harvest, the planting of the seed and the watering and nurturing are also very important.  I know personally, I woudl not be where I am today if it had not been for those who God sent to plant the seeds in my life, and water them and nurture them, and then he sent others to harvest, then yet others to prune away the things that were not good.   I could not list everyone her, so I won't list anyone at this time, for fear of hurting someones feelings :) .
I am blessed to serve my risen Lord and Saviour. My house and my truck may not look like it, but God has blessed me beyond measure.  He has seen me thru some fires, and trials, and although at the time, I wondered what was up??? I am a better person and a stronger person for those things.  He has given me great joys and hope, too.
So, hopefully I can  post more on here, sharing the promises God has shown me, and stories that have brought me hope and joy and peace.........
God Bless you.......... 

What is your Legacy?

After losing dad almost 7 years ago, and mom 2 1/2 years ago, I have begun to read thru their journals.
Dads journals are filled to the brim on most every page. Moms journals are sporadic, at best, with some months almost full, others empty, or just a page or two.
Both were meticulous in making sure the weather was reported each day they wrote :)
Dads is from the farmer/rancher perspective. How many cows have calved, how many sick steers were doctored today, what field got plowed, disced, chiseled, or drilled that day. How many bales were baled of grass, hay, feed or straw. Who ran what tractor or did what chore, or who rode horses to round up in which pasture,etc etc. Dad got into the habit of abbreviating words, and it took me a bit to remember that f.b was not face book, but farm bureau ! LOL Dad had never heard of facebook :)
Dad was also very good at recording deaths and births.
Mom's days almost always started with up early, late or as usual. breakfast over and we were off and rolling.
Her views come from a very busy farm/ranch wife, who sold Avon many years, ran the ML Sale Barn Cafe 19 years, and worked part time at at least 3 other places.
They were both great at recording who called, who visited or who they visited. Before grandchildren, when mom mentioned dad it was either "dad" or "Edgar". after grandkids it was "Papa". guess I know where I fell after grand kids came along :)
In the 70's mom even recorded how many fresh eggs she gathered every day, and also recorded if any were broken.
They recorded:
The blizzard of "71.
Mom having appendicitis and having it removed on their 19th wedding anniversary.
When I cut my hand on the red glass bowl,
When I fell thru the grain bin door, slipping on ice, and bruising myself quite badly.
When I ran over Fritz,the dog.
When Bozo died, and Peanuts. (dogs)
Sandy (sister) was nicknamed Pete
I was Pack (short for pack rat-----------and that shoe still fits today :) :) )
When Paul came along he was Pokey Pete, or Little Paul.
Rachel was magpie
Karen was sweet pea
And later, dad called them his little fellers.....
Mom mentions the grand kids as the "boys", a few times. I remember when my niece wanted to "be a boy"...get her haircut like her brother from the barber (and she did--and it was cute!)

In years past I have read excerpts from their journals, but now, I am really reading them, one at a time, not in any specific order. Each one I read takes me on a trip down memory lane. The picture in my mind is clear, of the home I grew up in............ the sand tire under the big elm tree..........mom painting the dining room and living room green................dad driving the tractor...............the machine shed...............working cattle in the corral............swimming in the horse tank.................mom working in the garden...............mom cooking..................picking/dressing chickens............. bucking bales...............digging turnips planted in the alfalfa field.......grandad coming in on his tractor, always standing up ....................cutting weeds to feed the chickens........riding our purple, banana seat, Huffy bikes..........

As I am reading thru the journals, I am reminded at how much of my life is also wrapped up in these journals. here is my legacy, my heritage, recorded for me to read and cherish, and treasure. To laugh about, and shed a tear. To go back in time, and to be thankful for the childhood I had. I see two hard working people, who at times, never seemed to slow down.

Mom and dads lives are wrapped up in these journals. Some of the things are frivolous, some useless information, but at the time it was written, it was important to them.

I, too, have kept journals off and on thru the years, more like mom than dad :) A few years ago, I found mine, and began reading thru them. Several pages I tore out and threw away. I was a little to expressive when I put pen to paper, and some of those things are not what I would want to leave as a legacy.

Someday, when I am gone and my journals are read, I want those who read them to be able to walk thru the pages and see the good things, not the time in my life when I was walking the wrong path of life. I want others to see that Christ was the most important person in my life. I want their to be goofy things, and yes even my embarrassing moments (after all, I don't plan on being around to be re-embarrassed by them).

So, I ask you, are you leaving a legacy on paper for your family or friends? And, if so, what is your legacy?

1-16-2012

It has been almost a year since I blogged last. I have been thinking about starting it up again, so here I am.

New year
New start
Me time.
For the last "many years" my life was wrapped up in first helping mom and dad out long distance, then after dad died, helping mom from a distance, then moving mom in with me, then after mom died, 6 months later I moved my chosen daughter and grand daughter in for a year, then assisted them for another year. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But, now that I am on my own again, it is time for me.

Time to take care of myself, eat healthier, get my house in order, sew, scrapbook, read, and enjoy my 3 "dog children".

I am looking forward to spring and yard work, and enjoying the outdoors.......

And more than anything, in 2012, I want to learn to lean on Christ more, to serve Him with all of me. I want to honor Him, because Jesus is the reason I am who I am and where I am today. Because of His love.

There is a "feeling" inside that God is going to do great things this year. It brings a spark of excitement to me, knowing He is in control, yet not knowing what the future holds.

Though I am no longer longing for patience to take care of my mom and deal with her issues of Alzheimers/dementia, I am still longing for patience, to wait on God, to be all that He wants be to be.